I sincerely apologize that my blog doesn't get updated as often as it should. I'm finding it very difficult lately to have some time that I can dedicate to it. I HATE blogging with Landon sitting right beside me, and so it makes it difficult because my computer is also my living room TV. The only times I can type without Landon around, is during the day, when the kids are running around the house, or when Landon is in bed, at which time I am EXHAUSTED. So again, sorry. I will try harder to find time. Today, I am going to write a letter to someone who most likely won't read it. I need to write this letter though, even though its highly unlikely they'll read it, because then my feelings will be out there, and will therefore make me feel a little braver to tell them my feelings in person.
To Whom It May Concern,
I'm not really sure why you have chosen to spend your time with a mentally unstable drug addict who happens to be 13 years your senior instead of your family. I'm not really sure why you seem to not care about what EVERYONE in your life has to say. I'm not really sure why you have slowly been turning into a lowlife, useless piece of shit, and don't seem to care. I'm not really sure why you seem to think that this is what you need. I don't know why you can't take a look at yourself 6 months ago, and compare the scene with yourself today, and not see that there is something seriously wrong. I have been disappointed in you before. I have been angry with you before. I have been sad for you before. I have helped you when no one else would, and helped you when no one SHOULD before. I have almost given up hope for you before. I have almost been to the point of disconnecting myself with you before. I have loved you unconditionally and passionately for the last 23 years. I have felt every emotion there is to feel about you. I have never been closer to anyone else in my life, including my husband. I have never lost faith in you. I don't understand why you can't see how much you're hurting me. I don't understand why you can't see how much I love you, and how much I just want what's best for you. I can't understand why you want him more than me. More than your mom, your dad, your sisters and brother, your nephews, your friends..... I miss you. I want you to come back. I want you back. I need you. I don't know why you don't care how much pain I am in because of the life you have chosen. Please........................my heart hurts so much. I have nothing left to do. I have nothing else to give. I am sad best friend. I am sad. I am scared. Please come back, please. I love you. I love you.
2 comments:
You are a great best friend. It is amazing that you have NEVER given up on her despite the pain she has and is causing you. She is in a co-dependent relationship. SHE is the addict also. She is addicted to him and the shit he does to her. Why? Well why does someone use heroin or coke? They start out because it makes them feel good...then they start wanting it more and more, not even realizing what the "drug" is doing to themselves, their family, friends, children, and the life they used to have.
When she comes here on Wed I am going to try to explain about a co-dependent relationship. Maybe try to find some literature to give her about it. who knows...it can't make things any worse...
Love you
I never stopped loving you, I never will. You'll always be my best friend. Losing you would tear me apart. I never want that to happen.
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