Fix You

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

A Place Where You Belong

You're dead!!

You're dead!!

Your body's cold,
Hope is lost,
I cant let go.
Can I die with you so we can never grow old?
Cut the ties,
With this note you left behind,
As I read the words I hear you telling me why.

Too late, too late,
I never said goodbye
Too late, too late,
Cant even ask you why.
Now I'm wasting,
Away in my own misery.
I hope you're finally gone,
To a place where you belong.

My sadness shows,
As your name is carved in stone,
Cant erase the words so the reality grows.
I wish I died,
On that right by your side,
So just kill me now and let the good times roll.

Too late, too late,
I never said goodbye
Too late, too late,
Cant even ask you why.
Now I'm wasting,
Away in my own misery.
I hope you're finally gone,
To a place where you belong.

Will you wait for me?
Will I see you on the other side?
You wont have to wait too long.
(Yeah, yeah)
Will you come for me?
Will you take me to the other side?
Cause here I don't belong.

-- epic solo --

Too late, too late,
I never said goodbye
Too late, too late,
Cant even ask you why.
Now I'm wasting,
Away in my own misery.
I hope you're finally gone,
To a place where you belong.

I never said goodbye
Cant even ask you why.
Now I'm wasting,
Away in my own misery.
I hope you're finally gone,
To a place where you belong.

I Don't Remember Crispers Being So Delicious. I Should Buy Them More Often

I am unsure if the fact that don't have vivid memories of more than a few events in my life past, is a normal thing or not. My friend Matt Oscienny had impeccable memory and could recall things with so much detail. I envied that so much. In recent years I have tried to be more observant of my surroundings and trying to implant things in my mind, consciously, so that I can have memories when I get old and all of my friends have died. I have this horrible feeling, that karma will bite me in the ass by letting me grow as old as possible to lose every single one of my loved ones before I die totally alone. That's part of the reason why I've considered suicide. Suicide will allow me a pre-emptive strike against karma. The fucker. Instead of experiencing the pain of losing hundreds of people, for my whole life, and therefore not being able to properly follow through with the grieving process and therefore be healed and ready for the next big blow....I would kill myself, and then all of my friends only lose one person. It's math. Math always makes sense.

I have not, and will not, kill myself. As much as I fear the neverending pain, I am too selfless for that. I am a mother, and if that has taught me just one thing, it is to sacrifice EVERYTHING for your children. They are tender and beautiful and it is YOUR FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY to take care of them. If you can't reorganize your thoughts to believe that you are doing ONE SIMPLE THING rather than several thousand things, and WANT to sacrifice, then give those children to someone who will. Don't be a fucking asshole. Assholes are worthless. Take care of your goddamn kids.

My father grew up in North Battleford, Saskatchewan and my mother grew up in Sutton/Lake Simco, Ontario. They met in Leaf Rapids, Manitoba. Mining or something. In some year, probably late 70's, early 80's, the moved to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, with plans to settle down and get married and all that jazz. (This is evidence of my terrible memory. It's not that they've never told me about all this, its just that I forget. Best daughter ever.) In 1982, my Mama, after several negative pregnancy tests and a super-fun-and-not-scary-at-all pregnancy and labour, gave birth to April-Lee, my sister. April-Lee was premature. Born at 27 weeks. Because of complications during birth, she developed Cerebral Palsy. She was also blessed with scoliosis and epilepsy. I use 'blessed' in the most sarcastic of ways, believe me. Eleven months later, in May of 1983, me and my pretty white trash face entered the world. White blond hair and pale-as-a-vampire skin. This would later be discovered as a rarity in my family. I was that weird grey kitten in the litter of blacks. In February of 1986, Betty; my sister, was born. My best friend. In January of 1988, Johnathan; my brother, was born . My other best friend.

April-Lee, is the greatest person in my life. It's sort of difficult to admit that, because either my parents, my husband, or my children would ideally make more appropriate candidates. The older I get, the more I figure out the different gifts and opportunities she has given me. She's inspired me in an unfathomable way. There is not a single doubt in my mind that I would be a completely different person if my older sister did not have any physical or mental disabilities. And the best part? She doesn't even know it. Her intelligence isn't able to understand the feeling of being able to inspire someone. That makes me so sad. Having been someone who was given the honour of being a source of inspiration, it is one of life's greatest blessings.

Turn Up The Lights In Here Baby

I don't know enough about astrology and all that jazz to believe in it, BUT, I do read my horoscope sometimes, mostly just for fun. Lately, I've smiled, sometimes coyly, every time I read them. They seem to have been able to find the words I couldn't to describe what's been going on. They seem to have helped me figure shit out a little easier. My one today was perfect. Word for word, and I wish that everyone in my life could read it and then LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

"Your spirits are high at this time, and you feel optimistic, self-confident, generous, and good-natured. You greet life with a fresh attitude, and it is easy for you to forget the mistakes of the past and envision bright new avenues for growth and fulfillment."

Yup.