One Day.

Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state
A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber
Until I realise that it was you who held me under

Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids
Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back
Cos all the walls of dreaming, they were torn right open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken

And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open
And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

Snow White's stitching up the circuit boards
Synapse slipping through the hidden door
Snow White's stitching up the circuit board

No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world

Snow White's stitching up the circuit boards
Synapse slipping through the hidden door
Snow White's stitching up the circuit board
Synapse slipping through the hidden door

Terrific Tuesdays

It's the last Tuesday of the year. This is terrific because this year SUCKED. Like really bad. I'm just gonna put some pictures up of things I like. Three piece man suits with good looking men inside. RISK (I like kicking ass). Unicorns. Nicorette.

Oh Christmas.

This lovely tree topper is number one on my Christmas list next year. Right now there's an angel on top of my Charlie Brown tree because I don't have anything else to put up there and if there's one thing worse than a brown Christmas its a topless tree.

I FUCKING LOVE WINTER/SNOW. I have the opposite of whatever it is that those people have when they get depressed in the winter. I LIVE for winter. Winter Winter Winter. Each year I love it more. I love the snow most of all, but I love the warmth almost as much. "Warmth Casey? The fuck are you talking about? Its -30 degrees for like two months straight." I mean the heartwarmth. The cuddle warmth. The smiles and open doors and courtesy warmth. The rosy cheeks and frosty eyelashes. The runny noses and mittens and scarves and fur and parkas and giant boots. I love everything. People are so much nicer at winter time. People are so adorable at winter time. I love seeing old people that look like Christmas. I love seeing little kids playing in the snow. I love seeing grumpy adults falling on the ice. I love the traffic and the chaos. I love the cold. I love the silence. I love the steam EVERYWHERE. There's steam from some mysterious place over the horizon. I love the frosty trees that sparkle in the morning sunlight. I love the moonlight reflecting off the snow and making the whole night glow like magic. I love the big fluffy snow slowly dancing its way to the ground. I love the hot chocolate and fireplaces and slippers and pyjamas. I love winter. I love it. LOVE LOVE LOVE it.

I have never really had a love or hate for Christmas. Each year is different and each year has its pros and cons. Since I've had babies, its much easier for me to enjoy Christmas. This Christmas was quite possibly the most bittersweet. I've lost a lot of people the last couple years, so of course every Christmas is going to be shittier for that matter. On the other hand though, my kids are older, my baby Sawyer is here, my family is the closest they've ever been, and I have a lot of friends. I really fucking miss my Opa. Christmas blows without him. I really fucking miss Nicole. All family gatherings blow without her. The lack of Nicole was the hardest thing to handle this year. My bro's new gf is amazing and wonderful and I love her, but its so hard for me to fully accept her into the family when Nicole isn't there anymore. It could just be because Nicole and I clicked so well, and I don't have that relationship with my sister anymore, that I crave it when I'm around my family. I don't want it from Betty anymore though. I couldn't care less about my relationship with her. She ruined that forever when she took something that had NOTHING to do with her personally, and demeaned me by insulting my entire self. So that's most likely part of the reason why I crave Nicole's company so much. She's the only real sister I have right now, and I'll ever have again. Again...Aimee is awesome. I adore her, but for some reason I just haven't clicked with her yet. I hope I will someday, because I know she's here for the long haul.

Betty's new bf was at Christmas dinner, which is sort of retarded considering they've been dating for like two weeks. At the same time though, he didn't really have anywhere else to go so I'm happy he was there with us. I like the guy, a lot. But goddammit Betty needs to be able to separate herself from him for 5 fucking minutes. Jesus.

My babes did not get spoiled. They never do. They get a lot of love in gift form, but never spoiled. And that Hayden...my god. I swear to you, each and every single gift he opened got the exact same reaction. From his Nintendo 3DS to his underwear. "Oh wow! A 3DS!" "Oh wow! Underwear!" "Oh wow! A Christmas orange!" Seriously. Love that kid.

Now, I'm going to list some of the things I received this year for Christmas. Not because I'm materialistic, but because I'm sentimental. Each thing means so much to me because it shows just how much I am loved, and just how well people know me. I am such a fortunate person.
A record player, with Florence + The Machine: Lungs on vinyl - Landon♥
Memory foam slippers - Landon ♥
A Harry Potter glass Coke Bottle - Mommy ♥
RISK - Mommy and Daddy ♥
Go The Fuck To Sleep - Kayla ♥
Canada Olympic Mittens - Kayla ♥
Book Darts - Kris ♥
Fine Point Sharpie Markers - Brittany ♥
This isn't everything, nor is it the most important. This is just some things. Some things that make me the luckiest girl in the world. I love my people so much. I hope they know how much they mean to me.

PS: I miss ♥Matt♥

Come Around Sundown

Right now I am typing into a Word document, which I will later copy and paste into a blog post. I am doing this because I like to make things more complicated than they have to be. Plus, I’m at work, and I probably shouldn’t be logged into Facebook and Blogger at the same time. And The Oatmeal. Oh how I love The Oatmeal. Go there now. You will laugh. Laughing is good.

Laughing really IS the best medicine. If I didn’t laugh, I would probably be dead. Well not probably. Definitely. Laughing makes my entire body feel good. Especially when it’s the kind of laughter that you can’t control, like it’s some kind of reflex. Like when Betty got smacked in the face with a bamboo stick at Walmart by her brand new boyfriend. Fuck that was hilarious.

Love is weird. I love love. I think it’s the most interesting emotion. You can love your kids, your partner, your friends, your parents, your siblings, your boss, celebrities, etc…but the kind of love varies between each person. Even with my kids. You would think I would love them both the exact same way, but I don’t. I don’t love either of them more, I just love each of them different. And then Sawyer. I love her as much as I love my own kids, but again, differently. There’s the kind of love that grows from nothing, slowly getting stronger and stronger over time, giving you a chance to absorb each change and really enjoy it….OR, the kind of love that literally comes out of nowhere. When you’re pregnant, you think you love that baby, but when you see that baby, your entire existence changes forever. This unconditional, acute and everlasting love moves through your entire body faster than any tingle or rush you’ve felt before. It’s a mystery to you, yet you accept it without question. He is the only thing that matters now. You love this little person so much, that you can’t understand how you ever loved anyone before. You can’t even comprehend loving another person this much. It’s impossible. But you have another child, and unbelievably, it’s possible. Your love for the first doesn’t change in the slightest. Its like you pulled this new love out of thin air. Another reflex. Another piece of unconditional, acute and everlasting love. It’s as if the holes in your heart you didn’t even know you had, have been filled up and you now feel complete. I could never accurately explain what my children have done for me. I could never repay them for giving me this feeling. These two bratty mcbratsters are the most wonderful things in the entire world, and I MUST remember that. I must hold on to at least that one piece of love, for if I lose that, I lose everything.