Come Around Sundown

Right now I am typing into a Word document, which I will later copy and paste into a blog post. I am doing this because I like to make things more complicated than they have to be. Plus, I’m at work, and I probably shouldn’t be logged into Facebook and Blogger at the same time. And The Oatmeal. Oh how I love The Oatmeal. Go there now. You will laugh. Laughing is good.

Laughing really IS the best medicine. If I didn’t laugh, I would probably be dead. Well not probably. Definitely. Laughing makes my entire body feel good. Especially when it’s the kind of laughter that you can’t control, like it’s some kind of reflex. Like when Betty got smacked in the face with a bamboo stick at Walmart by her brand new boyfriend. Fuck that was hilarious.

Love is weird. I love love. I think it’s the most interesting emotion. You can love your kids, your partner, your friends, your parents, your siblings, your boss, celebrities, etc…but the kind of love varies between each person. Even with my kids. You would think I would love them both the exact same way, but I don’t. I don’t love either of them more, I just love each of them different. And then Sawyer. I love her as much as I love my own kids, but again, differently. There’s the kind of love that grows from nothing, slowly getting stronger and stronger over time, giving you a chance to absorb each change and really enjoy it….OR, the kind of love that literally comes out of nowhere. When you’re pregnant, you think you love that baby, but when you see that baby, your entire existence changes forever. This unconditional, acute and everlasting love moves through your entire body faster than any tingle or rush you’ve felt before. It’s a mystery to you, yet you accept it without question. He is the only thing that matters now. You love this little person so much, that you can’t understand how you ever loved anyone before. You can’t even comprehend loving another person this much. It’s impossible. But you have another child, and unbelievably, it’s possible. Your love for the first doesn’t change in the slightest. Its like you pulled this new love out of thin air. Another reflex. Another piece of unconditional, acute and everlasting love. It’s as if the holes in your heart you didn’t even know you had, have been filled up and you now feel complete. I could never accurately explain what my children have done for me. I could never repay them for giving me this feeling. These two bratty mcbratsters are the most wonderful things in the entire world, and I MUST remember that. I must hold on to at least that one piece of love, for if I lose that, I lose everything.