The Black Keys To My Heart

So this one time, I was watching this video and I, out of nowhere, uncontrollably started dancing. See, I was in this terrible, awful, depressing mood and I came on the computer to waste some time before I had to pick up the kidlets. I went on Facebook because I always go on Facebook. My friend had posted that video and even though I'd heard the song a hundred times, I had never seen the video. This is very unlike me. I usually try to watch the music videos as soon as possible because I believe they bring something so substantial to the song. Its a beautiful art form, the music video. I love it. Anyway, so I was all sad and shit, and then this video, changed it, almost instantly. I'm gonna watch it again. Hahahahahahahaha I love it so much. Watch it now.

I fucking hate cigarettes. If I only had one wish, it would be to rid myself of my addiction to nicotine.

Getting Away With Murder

Yesterday was a terrible day. A terrible reminder of a terrible event. As you're more than aware, I suffer from a dark and pessimistic depression. I am also going through an unhealthy mourning process for my dear friend Matthew Oscienny. After speaking to my mom yesterday evening, I felt as if something inside of me had changed. I felt a tiny flame burning deep inside of me. Just bright enough to barely light the area around it. I went to visit a friend and watched The Devil Wears Prada and ogled the divine Meryl Streep for a couple hours. I left there feeling slightly brighter. This morning I awoke with the sense that more inner candles had been lit. In various caves and caverns deep within my soul. I could see the other candles that hadn't been lit just yet. I could feel myself on the verge of spontaneous combustion. It was exciting, thrilling, and exhilarating. I made a definite decision to put an absolute end to my miserable existence. The Monster inside of me shall be put to death. I am going to kidnap it, tie it up, slowly torture it with slashes and ear removals, douse it in gasoline and light it on fire before someone shoots me in the back. I am totally MR. BLONDING THAT BITCH!

I am excited.

Only

I'm becoming less defined as days go by

Fading away

And well you might say

I'm losing focus

Kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself

Sometimes I think I can see right through myself

Sometimes I can see right through myself

Less concerned about fitting into the world

Your world that is

Cause it doesn't really matter anymore

(no it doesn't really matter anymore)

No it doesn't really matter anymore

None of this really matters anymore

Yes I am alone but then again I always was

As far back as I can tell

I think maybe it's because

Because you were never really real to begin with

I just made you up to hurt myself

I just made you up to hurt myself, yeah

And I just made you up to hurt myself

And it worked.

Yes it did!

There is no you

There is only me

There is no you

There is only me

There is no fucking you

There is only me

There is no fucking you

There is only me

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Well the tiniest little dot caught my eye and it turned out to be a scab

And I had this funny feeling like I just knew it's something bad

I just couldn't leave it alone, I kept picking at the scab

It was a doorway trying to seal itself shut

But I climbed through

Now I am somewhere I am not supposed to be, and I can see things I know I really shouldn't see

And now I know why, now, now, now I know why

Things aren't as pretty

On the inside

There is no you

There is only me

There is no you

There is only me

There is no fucking you

There is only me

There is no fucking you

There is only me

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