Beer....delicious

Nicole is everything I could ever ask for in a sister-in-law. She treats my brother properly, loves him unconditionally, and loves me just as much. She surprises me every day with how much love she has for my family. When I started this campaign for my dad, she instantaneously joined in. Doing anything and everything she can to raise money for my group. She even talked to her work, and they donated. That alone is awesome. She organized a beer night for me too! I love her more than I ever thought I could love someone dating my brother. No one is ever good enough for him, except her. I never thought in a hundred years I would ever admit that someone was good enough for my perfect baby Johnathan, but then she came along, out of blue, and stole my heart. It was love at first sight. As every new day comes, more love comes for her. I sometimes wonder where it comes from. Unfortunately, I have a sneaking suspicion that it is coming from someone who, as every new day comes, I am falling less in love with. Whom It May Concern I fear, is slowly starting to be replaced. Its not my fault. I try not to let it happen, but its hard when I can't control it. To be honest though, I wouldn't love Nicole any less than if Whom It May Concern still had my utmost of love, but when someone important leaves your life, you try to replace them subconsciously, be it with a person, a dog, or chocolate. In this case, its a new sister. Pain from loss can make you say and do stupid, abnormal things. And even though as I type this, I think of pain that I am causing Whom It May Concern, I really don't care. They had their chance, too many chances. Its a lost cause now. I have someone new. Someone who won't leave me for a useless, unproductive, irresponsible, completely preventable, unsatisfying life.

I was once a sad person. Some might call it depressed, but I just call it sad. I had a clouded vision of life. Everyday I woke up and made myself sad, instead of now, waking up and not even trying, but making myself feel happy. Today though, I am sad. I am sad when I look at a long list of invites to this beer night for my daddy, and see that many of my friends have decided to not attend. I wonder why this is. I wonder if they even bothered to look at why I was having a beer night. I wonder if they even care why I was having a beer night. If their dad was dying, I would go to their beer night, and I don't even drink alcohol! Assholes I say. No, its fine. You don't have to come. But could you at least tell me why? At least explain why you are ignoring my father and what may be his last chance to do something completely for himself.

I'm sorry for my depressing blogs lately.