The weird thing is that last night as I was falling asleep, I started to plan out my next blog. I was thinking of different topics I could type about and I decided I was going to just type a list of some of my favourite songs. I love music. Almost all kinds of music. Even very very small amounts of country. As I started to list some songs in my head, I thought of Remember The Time. I remember the first time I ever saw that music video. I had to have been about 9 or 10 years old. My mom, being a huge Michael Jackson fan, had taped it off MTV, along with many other videos, clips, interviews, etc of MJ. I was instantly in love. I watched it over and over again and watched that tape so many times it began to stop working. I grew up idolizing him and everything that he did. I defended him to the death if anyone dared make fun of him. As I grew older I gained so much compassion and sympathy for this poor man who was obviously struggling with some mental issues. I know that he never did anything sexual to those boys. He was simply trying to regain his innocence. Just trying to surround himself with children, so he could feel like one again. The poor guy was literally thrown into pop superstardom from a toddler and raised directly in the spotlight. You can't really expect someone to grow up like that and be normal.When Landon called me today and told me that Michale Jackson died, I thought it was a rumour. Just like when I heard that Soulja Boy died. I had just heard about an hour before about Ed McMahon, and Farrah Fawcett, so it seemed to be too much to be true. I googled Michael to see what I could find, and all the news reports couldn't confirm that he had died, just that he had suffered from cardiac arrest. I don't think I've ever been more delusional with optimism. I am usually quite the realist but this affected me differently. Michael Jackson can't die. He's not even a person to begin with. He's an icon, a legend, a I can't find the right word right now. Michael Jackson is immortal. I was going to to go to London. I was going to steal someone's tickets and I was going to watch him sing and dance and I was going to cry from being overwhelmed with emotion.
When Chris Farely died, I cried like a baby. I eventually pulled myself together, telling myself that crying over someone you've never even met is ridiculous. With this though, I have some strange feeling all over my body. I don't want to move, I don't want to talk, I don't want to cry, I just want to watch CNN all night long. I just want to listen to him sing, watch him dance, imagine that I was born in the fifties like I should've been so I could've had more of a chance to see him in person. I am, to say the least, devastated at the loss of my beloved King of Pop. He is the soundtrack of my life. He is what I compare every other music too. It's not right, it's not fair, and I don't know how long its going to take me to get over this.
1 comment:
before the invention of the compact disc was something called a record player, and this was the source of music in our house until i was probably 11 or 12. my mom had a ton of records and thriller was one of them. I used to listen to this record everyday and I will never forget dancing around my living room as a small kid, a teenager, and now an old broad, to thriller and loving everyfeeling it gave me. you're right, michael jackson never was a person, he was some magical energy that could transform a small livingroom into a massive stage. rip. he was a tortured soul who could since and dance like nobody's mofo bidness.
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