Apology

You may have noticed a change to my blog. I have privatized it. I have a sneaking suspicion that my mother has read my blog. As much as I love her, the last thing I want is for her to have another reason to make me feel like I'm not good enough.

On November 18th of this year, I wrote something on my blog out of pure anger and pain. It has been brought to my attention that this post hurt someone I love. I never intended that to happen. I have no excuses for my behaviour and I am terribly terribly sorry. I do need to clear something up though. When I said, "the funeral was an absolute nightmare", I didn't mean anything other than the fact that it was a funeral for someone I loved, and there were people there that I really REALLY didn't want to see. Other than that, it was really a beautiful service. Very emotional, very intense, but beautiful. It was perfect for my Auntie. I also need to explain that when I said, "her pain was self inflicted" I didn't mean that she had done this to herself on purpose. I don't know what I meant by that exactly. I think that at that point, when I was typing, I was just so full of anger and pain that I wanted to blame everything on her. This was not right. My Auntie was a wonderful, caring, loving, passionate, selfless, generous, strong, determined, beautiful woman. She would have done, and did, anything for everyone else. Richard did not "fuck off" as in abandoned anyone, to Alberta. He just left to be himself for a while, and I shouldn't be mad at him for that. I was jealous, if anything. Incredibly jealous. When I wrote that post, I let my anger and pain take over my sense of reason and respect and for that I am remorseful. Please forgive me for what I put you through while reading that. It wasn't fair to you. I have since deleted that post, which goes against one of my very strong beliefs, but if it's causing pain to someone I love, I will do anything I can. I believe in freedom of speech and non censorship, but I also strongly believe in respect, and I respected no one with that. Next time I am feeling angry I will be more careful with that I say. If I ever do anything to you that causes you pain again, please tell me. I love you very much, and I cannot express how deeply shamed I am for what I did to you. Please forgive me.