Bitch

I'm a total fucking bitch. I'm an asshole. I ignore you, avoid you, insult you, lie to you, betray you, and every other evil thing I can think of. I'm a terrible and lazy mother. I deserve nothing from anyone aside from disrespect and hate. I pretend to love you. I pretend to know what I'm talking about so you'll respect me. I pretend to be a bad ass so you'll fear me. I pretend to be nice so you'll love me. I do all these things so that when I run away, or when I die, you'll hurt. You'll be in so much pain and feel so much loss for the greatness that was me. You'll cry and you'll mourn and you'll write and you'll think. You'll think and think and think and start to learn of all the lies and all the horrible shit I did behind your back. You'll start to realize that I was hypocritical and dishonest. Everything you learned from me was wrong. You'll second guess yourself and what I have lead you to become. You'll second guess everything you believe and everything you stand for. You'll go crazy and start doing drugs and destroying yourself. All before you graduate from high school. You'll lose all your friends and you'll lose all your family, just because your mother was an asshole. Just because she fucked you up in ways only you and your brother will know. I will not apologize for what I have done to you because that would mean that I feel I could have done something different. I cannot do different. I was born an atheist, selfish, pessimistic, ignorant asshole and I'll die that way. If you ever survive the trauma that I have caused, and decide to forgive me, I will be forever grateful. I should have provided you with a better life when I had the chance.