A Letter

Dear Matthew Lars Oscienny,

Last night I had a fucked up dream. Which is normal for me. They don't usually make me think a whole lot because like I said, they're normal. This one was different though. I know that you will find it interesting, even humourous, so I thought I would share it with you. At least what I can remember.

There was a group of people, bad people. Maybe not bad as much as just misguided. They didn't like you. We were on a float, in a parade. You and I and several of our mutual friends and acquaintances. It was a parade for Godzilla (of all things). An awareness parade. It was dusk. This group was against the parade. Said it was against God. They wanted to poison you.
They ran towards us with the poison and I jumped up and yelled "NO!". Everything stopped. Everything went quiet. It was just you and me all of a sudden. I looked at you and I said to the group, "Kill me instead. Don't kill Matthew Lars Oscienny. He's too good to leave this world. Take me. I'm less than he. Take me." We looked into each others eyes and started to cry. It faded to black.

When I was explaining this dream to Landon, he said, "That's weird. But good. You sacrificed yourself to save the world." To save the world. Matt Oscienny you are not the world, but clearly in this dream you were to me. I miss you so much. It seems to come in waves these last 4 months. I will be so bad, so very very bad and then be fine. Now I'm bad again. You're in my line of sight everywhere I look but I can never see you. You're in my thoughts but I can never hear you. You're in my dreams but I can never touch you. In times like this I wonder how I am going to survive this loss of one of my best friends, one of the most important people I ever knew, one of my few true loves. And then I think about how difficult this is and realize how much harder its going to be when my family starts passing on. The older I get the scarier my life is. You're dying has destroyed my living. I can't even express how I feel accurately. Everything I say is an understatement. I miss you <--- understatement. I love you <--- understatement. I just want to hug you one more time and make sure you know how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I don't want to know that you're last days here were full of confusion and pain and sorrow. I want you to feel peace. <---understatement. I hope its better for you <---understatement.

I love you forever.
Casey Humenny

PS: Write back.