Matthew and I were very close for a while, but my children and family life became too overwhelming and due to time constraints, we hadn't seen each other in a few months. I was reading all the old messages that we had sent back and forth to each other, and the latest ones were just "When are we gonna meet up! I miss you! Lets make a date! etc etc" This is what is hurting me the most. The fact there is so much left unsaid and undone. So much that needed to be rekindled. So much that needed to be taken care of. The old cliche saying "You don't know what you've got til its gone" doesn't work here. I know what I had. I just didn't make time for it. Matthew was the most interesting person I had ever met. He had an impeccable memory which made for the best stories. There was NEVER a dull moment with him, unless of course you wanted one. But it wasn't even dull. Because we were happy just sitting there. Listening together to the traffic, or music, or nature, or people. He had this uncanny ability to make you feel like the most important and most beautiful person in the world, even in a large group of people. I've said this several times throughout the week: It didn't matter if you knew him your whole life, had only met him once, were creeped out by him, or madly in love with him, he was always going to be a part of your existence. He will always be a part of my existence. I was the most in love with him as platonic love would allow. He had everything that I needed out of a friend and more. He would know exactly what to say in any given situation but also, he would never allow you to feel sorry for yourself. He would never allow you to hate anyone. Love was his philosophy. Love was is lifestyle, his religion. He inspired me, as I'm sure he inspired everyone who met him, to learn to love. To give it a try, no matter how much hate you had. I want to be so angry with him. I want to scream at him for leaving me behind. For leaving his family behind. For leaving everyone who had ever met him behind. But he won't let me. Matthew was incredible. There is NO ONE nor will there ever be anyone like him. His eccentricities and creativity was dumbfounding at most times, but once you opened your mind and heart, they overwhelmed you with respect. I had so much respect and admiration for him. I am going to continue to miss him, as I have been for months, forever. I feel so much pain for the loss of my friend, so much pain for the others who lost him, but the most pain for the people who hadn't even met him yet. They have no idea what they missed. I am so unfathomably lucky to have met him, gotten to know him, gotten to fall in love with him, and gotten to get his love in return. As its been said many times this week, the world is a lesser place without Matthew.
Saturday
Matthew
Matthew and I were very close for a while, but my children and family life became too overwhelming and due to time constraints, we hadn't seen each other in a few months. I was reading all the old messages that we had sent back and forth to each other, and the latest ones were just "When are we gonna meet up! I miss you! Lets make a date! etc etc" This is what is hurting me the most. The fact there is so much left unsaid and undone. So much that needed to be rekindled. So much that needed to be taken care of. The old cliche saying "You don't know what you've got til its gone" doesn't work here. I know what I had. I just didn't make time for it. Matthew was the most interesting person I had ever met. He had an impeccable memory which made for the best stories. There was NEVER a dull moment with him, unless of course you wanted one. But it wasn't even dull. Because we were happy just sitting there. Listening together to the traffic, or music, or nature, or people. He had this uncanny ability to make you feel like the most important and most beautiful person in the world, even in a large group of people. I've said this several times throughout the week: It didn't matter if you knew him your whole life, had only met him once, were creeped out by him, or madly in love with him, he was always going to be a part of your existence. He will always be a part of my existence. I was the most in love with him as platonic love would allow. He had everything that I needed out of a friend and more. He would know exactly what to say in any given situation but also, he would never allow you to feel sorry for yourself. He would never allow you to hate anyone. Love was his philosophy. Love was is lifestyle, his religion. He inspired me, as I'm sure he inspired everyone who met him, to learn to love. To give it a try, no matter how much hate you had. I want to be so angry with him. I want to scream at him for leaving me behind. For leaving his family behind. For leaving everyone who had ever met him behind. But he won't let me. Matthew was incredible. There is NO ONE nor will there ever be anyone like him. His eccentricities and creativity was dumbfounding at most times, but once you opened your mind and heart, they overwhelmed you with respect. I had so much respect and admiration for him. I am going to continue to miss him, as I have been for months, forever. I feel so much pain for the loss of my friend, so much pain for the others who lost him, but the most pain for the people who hadn't even met him yet. They have no idea what they missed. I am so unfathomably lucky to have met him, gotten to know him, gotten to fall in love with him, and gotten to get his love in return. As its been said many times this week, the world is a lesser place without Matthew.
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