KAY so I'm a terrible blogger. I don't care. I do care. I'm sorry. I really want to watch True Blood and I really want to listen to an audio book read by Michael C Hall. Any book. I keep having these really fucked up dreams where I marry my sister in law who looks like Candace Janzen or I hang out with John Cusack or I just run and run and run and run and run and don't stop fucking running. I have my licence and I drive myself to work and back and I HATE it. I hate being alone. I never see Landon anymore. I went to Wal-Mart today and spent $60 fucking dollars on EASTER SHIT. CANDY CANDY CANDY CANDY. The hotter and windier it gets the more terrified I become. I'm obsessed with Vampire Weekend. I don't make enough money so I applied at Boardwalk. Something I need my license to do. Something I've been dreaming of doing since I first rented from Boardwalk. They haven't called me back. MarketLinc offered me a promotion. I took it. I still don't make enough money. I don't see my parents enough. I don't see my brother enough. I don't see April-Lee enough. I see Betty enough, but she disappoints me so much. I don't spend enough whole family time with Landon and the kids. I wonder what it would be like to hear nothing. To hear real silence. Not a heart beat, not a breath, not an inner gut sound. Not an anything. I wonder what it would be like to have an empty mind. I wonder if fish in fish tanks are happy. I want to eat more naturally. I want to cook more. I want to go to school. I want to be a chef. I want learn to paint. I want to learn to knit. Learn to play the piano. Learn to take apart a car engine and put it all back together again. I would love to sleep for days. To just lay there and imagine life. Live exactly how I would want to. Be stress free.
As I was leaving my apartment the other day I walked by the mailboxes and there was a sticker from the Canada Post for a parcel....for a Ms D Toussaint. I stared at it for what seemed like an eternity.
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