Hi! How are you? Busy I assume. It seems everyone has been busy lately. Spring time makes people crazy. Children are sick, people are cleaning, parents are covered in shit and vomit and everyone's stressed to the max. I am no exception. My baby Hayden was only sick for a day THANK GOODNESS! but my baby Alex was throwing up and diarreahing multiple times a day for 6 days straight. No fever, no cough, great attitude, just some rank stomach virus that would not leave. One Saturday night after Alex fell asleep, Landon and I danced and cheered for the first upchuck free day in a week.
I knew that this feeling would come eventually. I dreaded it when I started working again. I miss my kids. Mostly Hayden. I see him for maybe an hour a day if I'm lucky. At least when I was working 5-9 I could watch him play at recess and technically "see" him more than I do now. I work 1:30 - 9:30 now but I'm usually napping during Hayden's first recess, and leaving the house just before his lunch recess. I fucking hate it. I miss him so much. I hate being this mom. I hate how it doesn't even seem worth my while because I'm only making $4 more an hour than I'm paying for daycare. Not to mention the gas and the fucking parking. Why exactly do I have to pay for parking downtown??? Can I write it off on my taxes because the only fucking reason I'm downtown is for work. Why doesn't Boardwalk want me? Why don't I have more ambition to get a better job? Because I actually like MarketLinc. I love the people (except one) and I love my job. But I don't make enough money, and I don't work the right hours. I want to be home when Hayden comes home from school. I want to have dinner ready when Landon gets home from work. I want to live in a house with a yard and a dog. Usually if I'm stressed because of the employment issues, I can counter it with "it'll all get better soon" but I really don't think that's true. I can't wait for daytime forever. I can't even have daytime until my results are better than the other rep on the list and that's never gonna happen. My results should be fantastic but there are too many factors I'm letting affect my job that my results suck fucking ass. Its no one's fault but my own and I wish my bosses would look past that and see that I deserve it, and that I need it. I mentioned earlier that I was offered a promotion and took it but since then, nothing has happened. No training, no title, no pay increase. I'm excited for what seems to be nothing. I don't want to wait anymore. I just want what I deserve and I want it now.
I'm going horseback riding with my sister in law today (whom I love more than life itself) and hopefully that should ease my stressful mind for a few hours until I come home and Landon tells me we have no money and the house needs to be cleaned. Just like every other time we're together. That's all everything is between us lately, and I'm being made to believe its all my fault, which I don't doubt, but that feeling just adds to all this other negativity and it sucks fucking ass.
I love my kids, and I love my husband, and I miss them crazy. I hope this stops soon because I really need a normal fucking week!
I knew that this feeling would come eventually. I dreaded it when I started working again. I miss my kids. Mostly Hayden. I see him for maybe an hour a day if I'm lucky. At least when I was working 5-9 I could watch him play at recess and technically "see" him more than I do now. I work 1:30 - 9:30 now but I'm usually napping during Hayden's first recess, and leaving the house just before his lunch recess. I fucking hate it. I miss him so much. I hate being this mom. I hate how it doesn't even seem worth my while because I'm only making $4 more an hour than I'm paying for daycare. Not to mention the gas and the fucking parking. Why exactly do I have to pay for parking downtown??? Can I write it off on my taxes because the only fucking reason I'm downtown is for work. Why doesn't Boardwalk want me? Why don't I have more ambition to get a better job? Because I actually like MarketLinc. I love the people (except one) and I love my job. But I don't make enough money, and I don't work the right hours. I want to be home when Hayden comes home from school. I want to have dinner ready when Landon gets home from work. I want to live in a house with a yard and a dog. Usually if I'm stressed because of the employment issues, I can counter it with "it'll all get better soon" but I really don't think that's true. I can't wait for daytime forever. I can't even have daytime until my results are better than the other rep on the list and that's never gonna happen. My results should be fantastic but there are too many factors I'm letting affect my job that my results suck fucking ass. Its no one's fault but my own and I wish my bosses would look past that and see that I deserve it, and that I need it. I mentioned earlier that I was offered a promotion and took it but since then, nothing has happened. No training, no title, no pay increase. I'm excited for what seems to be nothing. I don't want to wait anymore. I just want what I deserve and I want it now.
I'm going horseback riding with my sister in law today (whom I love more than life itself) and hopefully that should ease my stressful mind for a few hours until I come home and Landon tells me we have no money and the house needs to be cleaned. Just like every other time we're together. That's all everything is between us lately, and I'm being made to believe its all my fault, which I don't doubt, but that feeling just adds to all this other negativity and it sucks fucking ass.
I love my kids, and I love my husband, and I miss them crazy. I hope this stops soon because I really need a normal fucking week!
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