My King of Everything

I went to see This Is It on Wednesday. It was beautiful. It was simple, yet extravagant, and absolutely delightful. I could never express how much I truly loved that man. I would have given anything to have known him, to have even just met him, or just touched him. There is only one man I would ever leave my husband for, and that is Michael Jackson. I don't care how androgynous he is, or if he prefers men, or if he even prefers anything. I don't want a romantic relationship with him, I just wanna hang out with him all day every day for the rest of my life. I strongly urge everyone to see this film. Even those who believed that he was a pedophile (which he wasn't!). This movie will put Michael in a completely different light. It makes him seem happy, loving, outgoing, passionate, hardworking, a perfectionist, and above all, the best entertainer the world has ever seen. Oh god I miss him so much. Even though through the whole movie, I was happy, dancing, singing, and clapping along, by the end, I felt just how big of a loss we suffered on June 25th 2009. I was really really sad. He wasn't ready to die.

My Hayden allegedly contracted the H1N1 virus. BUT, because he did not get tested, and because I did my research, and found tons of other people with the SAME symptoms lacking a cough and fever (the two most common symptoms of H1N1), I have yet to be convinced. Now, a mother always knows right? So, I KNOW that Hayden did NOT have H1N1, and was therefore unnecessarily medicated. BUT, I do know that he had a virus of some sort, because the meds did do wonders for him. It makes me feel really shitty though that while I was actually at the hospital, I didn't think of saying anything like, "please test my son", or, "is that the only diagnoses possible, given that he has NO other symptoms besides vomiting and diarrhea?" So after my baby missed 4 days of school, including one Halloween party, I continue to feel like fucking shit. If only I could have re-hydrated him myself, then none of this would have happened. He wouldn't have missed school, I wouldn't have missed work, and I wouldn't have an awful pit in my stomach. For the first couple days though, I did believe he had it. I was scared out of my mind. Hayden has asthma, and people with asthma who contract H1N1, have a very high fatality rate. I could not imagine how I would cope with losing my child...

P.S. Little Wayne is a really ugly little fucker