Coke is my crack

Last night I had a dream about my auntie. I've mentioned her a few times in my blog, the one that died and I miss terribly. I've had a few dreams about her since she's passed, the weirdest being the first. A lucid dream in which she explained that was safe and happy, and always here if I needed her. That she loved me very much. She explained how she was sorry for leaving, but it was her time. I had asked her if she would visit my mother, and she said not until my mother was ready. I asked her if she would come back, and she didn't answer me. Every time she has returned to my dreams since then, it hasn't been anything like the first time. Just normal dreams. No lucidity, no crazy talk, just fun happy dreams as if she hadn't died at all.

This recent one though, was different. She was younger, probably late teens, early twenties, but everyone else was the same age. She was super spunky and hyper. Yelling and laughing and telling stupid jokes and running up and down the street. She had long black hair, and wasn't really skinny like she was in real life. Her face had no wrinkles. Her body had no signs of aging at all, or signs of a hard life. As the rest of family stood on the sidewalk in front of my parents' house, we just watched her flying up and down the street, laughing, and acting as if no one else was around, we were talking amongst ourselves saying, "at least she's happy." In the dream she was obviously a ghost, or spirit or whatever the fuck you wanna call it, but no one brought that up. We all just watched her. Praising her, laughing at her. Enjoying the complete joy on her face. We just watched as if it was a home movie of her in Heaven.

I do not believe in god, but I do believe that your soul lives on after you die. How, I don't know, no one does, but this dream helped me to believe that she is around us somewhere, happy as a clown, watching everyone live their lives. I miss her. I miss her too much.

When I woke from the dream I laid in bed staring at the sunrise lightened ceiling waiting for Landon's alarm to go off, crying. Crying from some feeling between happiness and longing. I'd give anything to have my auntie back, but if it takes her away from bliss, forget it.

P.S. I painted that lady.