Love

There are so many things I want to type about. But I can only type for so long before my hands cramp up. But today I am going to talk about two things. Weddings, and parents. I have been keeping a secret from the general public for about a month now, but feel that I can safely let it out here. Most of the people reading it don't know who I am, and those of you who do, I don't care if you know, or, you might already know. I am getting married on May 13th....my birthday! I am SO nervous and SO excited, but at the same time, really collected. I'm just letting things fall together and as the date gets closer, I just keep double checking everything. The only thing I'm nervous about, is that I won't be completely ready. Emotionally I'm all good. Being engaged to the most wonderful man on the planet(aside from my father) for three years has given me some time to really learn if I want this or not. I'm just worried, because I am THE BIGGEST procrastinator in the world, whether or not I am forgetting anything, or putting anything important off. I don't believe I am, but there's always something. Oh I feel better. I told the world! Yay! I can't wait to the pictures up on Facebook of me getting married, and change my name so everyone will know and everyone will be like, "WTF! Why wasn't I invited??? Why didn't I know?" Because you're just not that important to me. Well that's a lie. A lot of you are very important to me. Not all, but a lot. The one's reading this blog are, and that is why you know! But most everyone else, not so much.

Alright now, Parents/parenting/parenthood etc. It breaks my fucking heart every goddamn day. I HATE living in an apartment. There are bonuses, but nothing can compensate for the heartbreak I endure everyday. Poor poor children being abused by their parents. I can't comprehend why anyone would want to hurt a child, ESPECIALLY their OWN child. There is a mother and two children who live on the basement floor of my building and EVERY single time I see them(no exaggeration) she is yelling or snapping at her children, calling them names, degrading them, and doing everything she possibly can to demean them aside from physically hurting them. I imagine she does behind close doors, but really who knows. I always see those poor kids taking out the garbage all alone, barely big enough to reach the opening of the dumpster, and doing other random completely unchildhood like things.
How can a mother treat her children like that? I have never heard the slightest bit of love in her voice when she talks to them. Its so sad. I want so much to hug them and tell them I love them, tell them to hang in there, soon you can leave and it will all be over, you won't ever have to see her again. Run away the day you turn 14. Things will be better! Come live with me I LOVE YOU. I saw a mother from one of the other buildings yelling at her daughter, couldn't be any older than 6, while the poor thing balled her eyes out. In the middle of the parking lot! "Fucking shut up you little shit" "I told you to shut the fuck up" "you're such a fucking baby" "God I hate you" I hate you. I'm almost crying right now replaying that situation in my mind. That poor sweet little angel, being treated like dirt. I want to hug her and hold her forever and tell her everything will be okay, and that somebody loves her. I love her. I love her, and the other two, and every other child I see being abused. I COULD NEVER treat my child like. NEVER call them names, NEVER swear at them. I personally have a foul mouth, when I don't censor it for the sake of other people of course, but no matter how much poop is smeared on the walls, no matter how many priceless things have been flushed down the toilet, no matter how many times he says, "I don't love you", no matter how many times he disturbs everything he possibly can, I WILL NEVER let my child believe, for one second, that I don't love him. Those poor poor babies, who have to live with that feeling, that doubt that their parents love them, its so unfair. Its so traumatic. I wish I could say something, but it wouldn't help. It would make it worse. I wish I could tell those children I loved them, but it wouldn't help. I wish I could help.