Drugs

I started smoking when I was 17. I was dating a bad ass boy who I let influence me into doing naughty things, just because I felt like I wasn't good enough for him. I thought that if I started smoking, his friends would accept me and leave us alone. I was REALLY straight edge when I started dating him. Pure virgin. I had only french kissed one person before him and that a pretty big deal to me at the time, so when he tried to get me to loosen up a little, I was a hesitant. After a little bit though, I did relax. I started smoking so that I could fit in with his peeps and of course, my friends hated me for it. I did stick to everything else I believed in though. No drinking, no drugs, and absolutely no sex before marriage. The relationship only lasted a couple weeks because he was, too bad ass for me. He did something very bad on New Year's Eve when he was out partying and of course, I was at home. I think I loved him. I know he loved me. I could see it in his eyes. Plus he told me a couple years ago. He begged me to leave Landon and run away with him. Pfff. Could you imagine what my life would be like right now if I had forgiven him for the Slut? Hahahahaha man I would be a wreck. I eventually got over him, sort of, and
started dating another boy. He was NOT bad ass, but, not quite straight edge. He didn't influence me to do anything I didn't want to do, but within a few months, I was smoking, drinking, sexing and drugging. Looking back, I can't understand why in only a matter of a few months, I dropped all my morals for someone who didn't even care. Looking back on it now though, I am thankful that I waited until I was 18 to start being a teenager. If I had started earlier, I would not be a pretty picture today, and I don't think I would have kept Kristen and Amanda. They didn't like my drastic change to the dark side. I had always been a "mother" figure to them. "Don't do that" "it's bad for you", "its a sin" and blah blah blah. I am waaaaaaay different than I was back then. Its funny how in a matter of only a few years, I went from being super straight, to the lowest I could go, to normal. Just plain normal. Happy. I needed to quit drinking of course, but I kept smoking, kept sexing, and kept drugging. Marijuana only. And NEVER near my kids. I've started and quit smoking too many times and wonder one day if I will beat it. If I will quit for more than a year. Part of me doesn't want to, but I know that I should. I don't want to end up like my sick parents and make my kids have to watch me die right in front of them. Why is it that smoking is okay? Drinking is okay? And yet marijuana is not? I smoke marijuana and am a huge advocate for its legalization. And all drugs for that matter. Prostitution as well. It would solve so many problems. Less crime, less death, less access for children, less young girls out on the streets. I hope that my kids aren't as naive as I was growing up. Its hard to ingest all the information I have in only a few short years. I was crazy christian and so goodie two shoes its embarrassing to think about it now. My parents were fantastic though, don't get me wrong, I couldn't have any better, but they didn't educate me on the way of the world. I can't wait until my kids are old enough to learn things like that. I'm going to teach them everything I know and encourage them to explore more on their own. That will hopefully lead them in the right direction. The last thing I want is for my 15 year old son to be drinking, smoking and having sex. I DO NOT want to be a grandmother at 35. I can't force them however, to be what I want them to be, but I will do my darnedest to make sure they're smart, and not influenced by bad girls. Smoke weed children if you must do something, but try and wait until you're in like, grade 11, and on a weekend. A long weekend. And NO SEX! Or drinking. Or smoking. Love you :)