"If Someone Out There Doesn't Agree With Me, Then Somewhere A Village Is Missing Their Idiot"

I need to create a private blog. There is so much that I need to write and release but I can't because I am so engulfed by fear. I'm afraid of you and how you'll react. I'm afraid to lose you. I can't even begin to explain how right my sister is. I know I'm not okay. I know I'm losing myself. I know I'm stuck in a downward spiral and today, I finally accepted that there is no way out alone. I need help. I need a fucking therapist or some shit. I need to talk to someone. I need to accept that I am not strong enough. I will not get out alive if I don't reach out. The part of me that doesn't want to survive is taking over. I need to hang on to that rational part that wants to live but its fading away. I'm not looking for attention and I'm not a fucking Debby Downer holding her Pity Party of the century. I'm just being honest. I don't see the light anymore. I don't see any possibility of being happy ever again.