I fucking love CCR, as you may already be aware. I am here listening to their Best Of album and finding myself wondering what kind of person I would be had I been born when I should have been, in the 40's, so I could be a crazy hippy wandering aimlessly throughout life, loving, sexing, drugging, dancing and enjoying.
I have been wanting to write for quite some time, however I haven't been feeling that confident lately. My sister and Landon both ganged up on me and gave me a nice long lecture about how I'm conceited and egotistical. I really don't think I am. Yes, I think quite highly of myself, but I really believe that's healthy. I'm not cocky and I don't think I'm better than people for no reason. I'm logical and therefore know that I'm better than some people, but for a reason. Maybe they're assholes or snobby bitches or Hitler. I'm definitely better than Hitler. I want to be confident and I want people to know that I will not take their shit, but I don't want them to scared of me and I MOST CERTAINLY don't want them to think I'm a conceited bitch. I'm really really not. I think I've embraced a lot about myself that most people try to hide, like the fact that I LOVE attention. That shouldn't make me conceited, that should just make me honest. I'm also incredibly proud and honoured to be able to see myself making a difference in people's lives because of the things that I do. I never take that for granted ever. And the fact that I talk about it a lot makes me conceited? Well I'll just shut up then. I'll stop and go back to pretending I'm just an average person. I'll ignore the parts of me that scream for activism and purpose. I'll live in the shadows and blend in with the mindless sheep. I'll drop the whole atheism thing and the whole human rights advocacy. I'll just be a regular old working mom, struggling to get by day to day in this fucked up society, instead of taking the opportunity to become a politician and make a difference. As if my ego needs that! The spotlight, especially one that allows me to actually be heard is the last thing I need if I want to keep my friends.
1 comment:
Just because people "gang up on you" doesn't mean stop being who you are. Maybe they were trying to get a point across to you, by throwing a fit and giving up on who you are wont make it any better. Some times advise good or bad is just that, try to understand what people are telling you and why. So that way maybe you can understand why people feel the way they do about you. In the end, any advise can always contribute to personal growth, don't take criticism from a close person to you as an insult, it will just discourage an honest opinion and it would not be cool if all they said to you was what you wanted to here.
<3 U!
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