I've been far too busy lately. I hate being busy. I love being active, but not busy. Sleep is taking over all of my spare time and I HATE IT. These pills balance me out but make me crazy tired come 9:00 pm. Believe me when I tell you that I've been meaning to write a lot more but just haven't been able to find the time. Right at this very moment, I want to watch a movie, read my book, write a blog, draw some pretty ladies and paint some pretty ladies. I also really want to have a smoke but told myself, "Nope! No smoking until you at least do ONE thing!" So because blogging is the easiest and fastest thing...here I am! I've decided to quit smoking. For umpteenth time. My quit date is May 14th. One day after my 28th birthday and second wedding anniversary. Good day me thinks.
So a little less than a week ago, it was the one year memorial or whatever the fuck its called for my Opa. His death seriously fucked me up hard and so this last year has been quite traumatic for me. I miss him so much. I would give anything to just see him and talk to him one more time. My lucid dreams starring Opa come few and far between and so my needs to see him haven't been satisfied like it was with my Auntie. I've had a lot of things happen to me this year that have changed my life and my outlook on myself, my relationships and my responsibilities. There's two things that are constant on my mind. No matter what else I'm thinking about, no matter what I'm doing, no matter what my mood is, these two things are always there. 1) I love my family. 2) I want to run away. I revel in the idea that one day I will disappear and no one will know where I have gone... I wish I could be comfortable with what I have and who I am.
1 comment:
I love you and I would dearly miss you if you ran away and I didn't know where you were. Who would lend me eggs? :)
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