Hey! What's up?! God its been forever eh?
So today, right at this very moment, I actually feel pretty decent. You know, I'm quite privileged to be incredibly self aware. I'm pretty sure I've been suffering from depression. I don't want to diagnose myself, nor do I want to be one of those "depressed" people that actually aren't depressed but rather having a really shitty time at the moment. I was "depressed" once in highschool and after years of misdiagnosis and wrong prescriptions I finally found something that helped me. Effexor and me were a match made in heaven. I stopped taking it when I got pregnant with Hayden and thought that I could live without it....turned out I was wrong. Alcoholism soon became my crutch and after a ton of work and back on the meds...life got better. Then I got pregnant with Alex, stopped taking my meds again and as of right now have been clean of Effexor for almost three years. I've been told that if I don't learn to live without it now, I will have to depend on it for the rest of my life. I don't want to do that. I already depend on cigarettes, sugar and caffeine. Not mention the constant nagging of alcohol. So this new bout of potential depression not only is causing trouble in my life, but scaring the bejesus out of me. So instead of seeing a doctor, I started painting, staying up late watching TV and cutting my hair. I also decided that I am going to try and cut down on my sugar intake.......not working out so well. Thanks a lot Halloween. But the new hair and My Lady have started to make me feel better. I'm still over sleeping, still snappy and have next to no sex drive, but if I can continue along on this narcotic free path to betterness, I know I'm gonna be just fine.
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