As of this very moment I am freaking out and having a very hard time coming to grips with the fact that my children are growing. In exactly 6 days Hayden will be in Grade 2. I don't like this. Kindergarten was traumatic, Grade 1 was exciting.....GRADE TWO IS HORRIFYING. As I was carrying sleeping Alex from my bed to his today, I caught a glimpse in the mirror of my passed out baby in my arms. I just kinda stood there for a minute staring at the image in the mirror, thinking about the face that before I know it, he is going to be too big for this. Hayden was a baby yesterday and all of a sudden he's an 80 pound giant sleeping on the the top bunk. My mental state is no where near stable enough to handle this emotion of distress. Deciding not to have any more children seems like the worst decision I ever made in my life. I don't want to have no babies anymore. I love babies. I love getting ecstatic over incredibly mediocre things like clapping and peeing in the toilet and "bubekah" (Alex's word for "I love you" and "ice cream"). I love snuggling and carrying my babies around and having sleep on my chest while I watch a movie. I love seeing them cry and hearing, "Mommy, ow".
Maybe its just Hayden scaring me. I keep trying desperately to convince myself that logical, intense, dramatic conversations, emotional maturity of a 40 year old woman, and super intelligence are normal for a 6 year old. Its a very challenging life, being Hayden's parent. I love him to death, am bursting with pride and wouldn't trade him for anyone, but if Alex is anything like his brother, I'm going to have a nervous break down in about 3 years.
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